Two weekends ago I met Ruth, a fiery Filipina, that stands maybe 5 feet tall, she is full of smarts, wit and has more personality and heart than 100 people put together. She will give you the clothes off her back not just if you need them but even if you just like them.She is the definition of generosity. I met her at my church's women's retreat. How is she so generous? Let me explain..It was Sunday morning and Ruth and I were waiting in the breakfast line probably talking about how famished we were. When I'm around the conversation generally relates to food :) One of the girls came into the dining hall and casually commented about how beautiful Ruth's earrings were. Ruth's response? Not the typical 'ah, thank-you.' Nope, she slipped those earrings off her ears and asked 'Here you want them? They're yours' I was floored. Five minutes pass, we're still in line and the hunger pangs were getting substantially stronger and tummy rumbles were getting louder and louder. More ladies were shuffling in for breakfast and as the line got longer, another lady from behind us said, "Oh Ruth, I love your bracelet!" Her response?. exactly.. 'Here you want it? It's yours.' Again, I was astounded. How could she be so unattached to things? Beautiful things that she liked?Then she explained that she loved to go shopping and get pretty things, but she believed in keeping her hands open all the time because when you keep your a hands open you allow blessings to flow into you, out to others, and then back into you. Giving begets giving, a beautiful cycle.,However when you close your fist tight and grip to the things you own, not only will others not be blessed by you, but you cannot receive any more blessings. You will be like a water faucet that has been closed off., no one can drink water from this faucet, no new water flows into it or out of it. The faucet just becomes musty and old and useless.Ruth said that the Tsunami in Japan confirmed to her that you can have millions and billions of dollars in fancy buildings, cars and computers but in seconds it can all wash away and you have nothing but relationships. That's it. Stuff is so impermanent.This got me to thinking. Yes, yes, I know that is bad for my brain, but I just could not really help it. Deep, deep down, I've always wished to be generous, but it's always been a struggle to let go and just give, and give freely. I have always admired people who could, but I couldn't. I think out of fear that there would not be enough if I gave too much.From that moment on and the weeks that have followed I have started to realize that when I hold onto things not only can others not enjoy my blessings, but I can't fully enjoy them either. Because I spend too much time worrying about not losing what's mine. And then my life becomes heavy by this unconscious worry and struggle to protect what is 'mine'.And I am tired of it. Life is too short to worry and waste time putting a "this is mine" sign on all my things. So I had to be honest ::shudder:: with myself and look at where I stick the biggest 'this is mine' signs. Well, come to find out. It's really, really dumb, funny actually, maybe embarrassing but where do I hoard like a Grinch during Christmas?!?! F-O-O-D!!!!!!Yes, it's true! It's out! I'm a food hoarder! Instead of the 'A' on my chest for 'Adulterous' I should have and 'FH' for 'Food Hoard! I should be on one of those reality TV shows about hoarders! I save, and save food that I love and only eat it in small portions, and I've done it since I was a wee lass. ::look at me speakin Irish! Multicultural, I am::I was that kid who on October 30, 1999, was just finishing up her Halloween candy from Halloween of 1998. I ate it sooooo slowly, just to make sure I would always have some. I grew up in a very health conscious family so we rarely ate sugar or got candy so I always had a candy stash. I think, I was afraid that I would never get candy again, but I'm 23 and I still have a candy stash, and I can afford as much candy as I could ever possibly want!So I decided to do what any responsible addict needs to do. Purge baby, PURGE! I needed to be honest ::ick. that word again!:: and see exactly what I had been hoarding and free myself of the burden! ::inge, cues the fancy church organ music!::So I whipped open my cabinets and started stacking all of my precious treasures into pile. The pile grew and grew until it became a delicious castle of food. The castle consisted of all the food that is expensive or impossible to obtain in South Korea. Items like delicious Oatmeal, jars of honey, exotic spices, pounds of dark chocolate, 4 different kinds of coffee, tea, lentils, cheese, ahhhh! Sooooo delicious.. but then I became sick to my stomach of all the food I had, mouth-watering, yes, but I could never, ever begin to finish in the next four months of my life in Korea. All this food that just sat there locked in my cabinets, food. I wasn't even enjoying fully, because I was sub-consciously afraid that I could never get it again so I would eat it slower than a turtle with a broken leg!Yes, this food hoarder had a 'come to Jesus' moment ;) I needed to stop this madness so after I cleared out my cabinets AND my sock drawers of my precious food, I took the food mountain and started making small piles around my apartment. These piles were for people who I knew would appreciate and enjoy this food. After hours of sorting, cleaning and arguing with myself to relinquish my precious bottle of balsamic vinegar or my fancy chocolate, I won! The vinegar and dark chocolate are now being enjoyed somewhere far from my dark little cabinets.This food hoarder has been set free! It is not that I think it is wrong to have delicious cheese or dark chocolate. Actually, I think it is a necessity in life; I just realized that I, personally, held onto them too tightly, and I can't fully enjoy how amazing these things are until I learn how to let them go., so I let them go. Yes, I did shed a tear or two or maybe I used up a box of Kleenex (but I have no witnesses to attest to my tree-killing ways). Yet, now that I have finished, I can honestly say that something has lifted, I am not only enjoying what I have more, but I feel less afraid to give. My fists are slowly loosening their grip, the water is trickling through and someday soon my hands will burst wide open!***Thank-you Ruth, you're an inspiration!