Bow-ChiCa-Bow-Wow!

Imagine if this was how you made your money... hahaha... I would for sure blink and twitch and break into cold sweats all at once.... and then I would be fired. Done for. Sent back to the States. And sentenced to a life of eating only Spam and kimchi..  :: Inge shudders and begins to twitch uncontrollable for 23.4 mins:: ........ Ok, ok.. I'm back! Whew.... remind me never to apply for a live manikin position... ever...  Dog food and fermented cabbage just aren't for me.. I might just cry and cry and cry.... and then the smell of my breath! Oui, It would be bad... yikes! You don't even want to know! My mouth would be like a small dark hole (or big dark hole depending on your personal opinion... but keep that to yourself thank-you!) of death..... death I tell you, that nasty 5 letter word ::shudders again::

Random wondering of the day: Do you ever wonder why "death" has 5 letter instead of 4 letter? I mean, Really.. Lets be honest... All bad, ugly words in the English language have 4 letters.. you know like the words... um...er...ish...

::Inge suddenly remembers, just in time, that she should stop her typing right NOW and only silently count off all the naughty words she knows... so she doesn't end up in a big dark hole of Death herself... then looks around to make sure no one heard her thoughts... wowzers! she's twitching again... and...ewww! she's sweating.... I swear, there is something seriously wrong with her, but don't tell her I said that.. See, she's a wee bit self-conscious, and might beat me if she knew I was talking behind her back..And I am a peace loving commentator and have no other employment options so this will be our little secret, yes? ::

But really... Why does death get 5 letters? does it just feel like it's better than the other big bad words like...... Such a snob! If Death went to high school, she would for sure be a Mean Girl and hang out with Rachel McAdams and her possy.... Esh! where does Death get off -- thinking it has the right for 5 letters? And with that I will end my thoughts... ---twitch, twitch, twitch, twitch, twitch, twitch..... :: see what I mean? Something is for sure wrong with her..::

Ajummas, Asian Speak, and Hand Towels

Yooowzers! It was an intense day of battling little Korean munchkins, saving the world, flying to Venus on a magic carpet , and then, then my proudest accomplishment of the day, I ate more food than for lunch than all five of my male teachers. I'm a beast! (I'm training for a food-eating competition in July). Don't worry Mom, I'm not really too large from all the extra food, yet.... uhh.... you see large is not really the proper terminology, I'm just a little plump, well-fed, well-rounded, maybe robust or possibly husky? ... I don't know English isn't my first language anymore, no, I've given up for a more appropriate global language. It's called "Asian Talk"..  Have you not heard of it? Why it's all the rage here! Everyone speaks it! You guys are so behind the times! Get with it ....

You know they say ("they" meaning those smart people, who live in the smart people town, and make smart people money.... you know "them" right?) Well "They" say English will be obsolete in 5 years. So get on the stick, Move to Asia! Go, go,  go! What are you waiting for?!? leave your life of stupidity and mostly English. Sell your house, buy a big towel (Tip:: uhhh..... So we only have hand towels here in Korealand, and what's more awkward than the combination of a shower + roommate or random neighbor + hand towel = red face.. or worse..... oommate IN hand towel + you eating breakfast = the involuntary loss of your breakfast.

After you buy the towel, give away your dog (there's no room here), and buy a box of chocolate, (why the chocolate?) Ummm... the chocolate is for me.... I could go into some long diatribe about how you won't be excepted into Asian culture unless you bring expensive, dark, delicious chocolate, or how there is a tax for chocolate-less visitors, or you'll turn into a pumpkin wear a dress unless there is a box of chocolate in your hand, but let's be honest, I'm selfish.. I want chocolate... So stop by Mr. Ghirardelli's, spend a month's salary, and I'll see you soon... Remember dark chocolate, none of that weenie milk chocolate stuff!

Oh yess.... back on track.... hmmm, where was I? oh yes, my intense day! Well after many a hardships, I went to the little market in my town... And the Ajumma's (grandmothers) were out in full force today, so I wandered through the food stalls with sad, hungry eyes hoping to get handouts. It worked like magic! ::I'm not going to lie...I'm a pro. I've got skill-Z:: Not only did I get free berries, the ajummas gave me free Korean lessons to boot! It was a sweet, sweet day in Asialand for sure....

Spiders, Sweat and Elbows

My sisters, Anna and Candace, and my friend Tim (not shown --- the photographer) came to see me in Korea! Oh we had a fabulous time.. Thank- you for coming guys! More on that later but now for the...... --->

Random thought of the day.. Doesn't it feel good to sweat again? I mean really sweat??! The drip, drip with no dry kind of sweat? In honor of delicious, hardcore, nasty, sticky sweat I have compiled a list of some of the reasons I love Summer.. So far 20...AND more to come  >.<1) Sweat2) Watermelon even if it is $8.00 and Strawberries3) Fresh squeezed sour/sweet Limeade from Mexico... My Mexican mom, Zoila, you have made me a spoiled Mexican food brat... I thank thee :)4) 5:30 sunrises and 9pm sunsets5) Outdoor theaters. great time to nap outdoors because who are we kidding? You can't actually hear the movie anyway :)6) Summer dresses and flip-flopsOh, Oh... making Koreans uncomfortable by showing a little elbow (yes, yes... I know, I'm lewd.. I really should put away my suggestive elbows, but I just can't help myself...)7) Korean Visors (take our visors times their size by 4 or 5 and then you have a Korean Visor...Yes, yes it's like a visor on steroid. Exactly! Yet not only do they wear the visors outdoors, these beauties can also be seen sported indoors or at night. It makes wearing sunglasses indoors seem quite practical actually.)8) Peach picking while sweating...9) Deodorant so I can continue to appreciate #1 and #8 without too many ill affects10) Salads and Korean Melons. :)11) Trying to grow lettuces and tomatoes on the rooftop of a 20-story Korean apartment building.. notice the key word "trying" :)12) Saying good-bye to winter forever (Ok, I lie, but I'm a happy disillusionist, don't burst the bubble. It's a pretty blue bubble and I like it this way.)13) Having bonfires fueled by sweaters and scarves and socks and tights..14) Picnics and No Socks15) Cat Naps in hot, heavy humid air.16) Watching Koreans stare at me in the subway.. *but who am I kidding? I rudely stare every season of the year, sorry Mom.17) Lady bugs, fireflies, birds18) Barefootedness --- except the dirty feet part that comes with it because then Koreans stare at me even more because I'm just a dirty-footed, elbow showing, no-visor wearing, sweaty foreigner..19) Spiders, Ants and Snakes20) Coming to the realization that I was severely and totally mentally damaged by Korea's winter... Because suddenly, for the first time in my life, I am thankful for spiders, snakes, and ants and humidity.. What's wrong with me? ::fyi y'all, that's a rhetorically question. No feedback is needed::Well that the start of my summer-loving list...My goal is to make the list go at least until 100..or maybe 120... gasp!!! Yes I'm a hardcore heat lover.. with pit-marks to prove it... yes, yes too much information, I know.. Next time I will be less descriptive. I apologize.

Mr. Webster, Spring and Amnesia

Korea welcomed spring with a four letter word..Snow.. Oh Wow, joy! Yippie Aye Yay! Here in Korea, I'm tingling with excitement. Why I'm just as excited as a kid taking a pop quiz while eating brussels sprouts and doing the dishes.. Snow! On March 22, 2010, The day after the first day of S-P-R-I-N-G?? Spring! Do you hear me, Mr. Korean Weather?!?! Spring! That word is supposed to invoke you to grow flowers, to produce too many rabbits, to soak poor children with rain, and welcome back stinging bees to the earth, but SNOW?? Really? Are we serious?Are you amnesic and have you forgot the definition of spring?... Well let me help you. According to Mr. Webster, Spring is "a time or season of growth or development in which one first builds a bonfire, burn all of their socks, boots and turtleneck sweaters; trades them in for flip-flops and pretty dresses and then eats 2 pounds of strawberries a day while jumping in rain puddles." This is Spring. Mr. Webster said so and he is always right, and he said no such thing about snow in spring.So get with the program!! but until you do shape up, I guess I'll just keep taking pictures of your favorite four letter word. sigh... ::Inge crawls into her snuggie and turns off the light:: zzzzzzzzzzzzz........

So long Sir Frozen Toes, Farewell Mr. Long Johns!

Today I heard something that I thought I would never hear again.. Birds! Oh the beautiful birds.. The ones that poop on your windshield and your head! The sweet birds, They are alive! They were not killed by the treacheries and debaucheries of winter! Can you believe it? They are alive!  I've heard the birds! It's true I tell you.... I don't lie, I am honest. So honest, Like Abe Lincoln Honest... look at my face. I have an honest face. Just look, See!?! ::inge sucks in her cheeks to thin out her face, grabs a black top hat , and gives her best Abe eyes::  Don't you see? I'm practically Honest Abe himself... ok, ok, Honest Abe herself.. but gender is just a piddly detail....:)The Birds, they have told me Spring is here and Winter will be no more... Why today the temperature was a blazing 40 degrees (that's 4.444444444444445 C for all my Fahrenheit challenged friends [tsk..tsk. those poor dears])  and tomorrow my Asian weather man promises 42 and sun! Do you know what that means? Well..... It means I am breaking out lawn chair, my blow-up kiddie pool, and dragging them up to my 20-story apartment rooftop for a little R&R in the blazing sun. But I thought since my dear nemesis winter was with me for ever so long, I would give him at least one last tribute before I shed myself of him completely. I'm done with him, and I mean done. Party Notice: There will be a "Death to Winter" bonfire at my house tonight: please bring any or all of the following for the blaze: turtlenecks, scarves, gloves, long johns, sappy winter novels, bad movies and the Snuggie blanket you are hiding in your closet (you know who you are!).. p.s. you will be denied entrance without these items. But until tonight, here are some photographs taken a few weeks ago when Winter was still tormenting Korea.. For all those still being heckled by Mr. Frosty remember to drink loads of tea and make use of your backwards house robe know as a Snuggie.