This portrait, # 24 is quite appropriately numbered. 24 is my current age, and last November when Ms. 24 said, 'Hey-lo Inge!' It was one of the hardest days of my life...What happened exactly? My pretty life plan come to a screeching halt. The road I was traveling down suddenly ended at a raging river. I tried furiously to lay new stones in the river, but they just melted away like away like money in your gas tank. Vapor. Even my levitation device broke! Absolutely nothing worked. The river would not let me cross it!My only option was to turn around and find a different road.I didn't want to, but I had to do it. I was infuriated, sad, scared and devastate all in one day. How could these plans, my beautiful plans collapse? Why? How could this be? I had fought hard, done everything I had know how to keep my dreams alive, yet still I lost them all in a matter of days. Ruined.I didn't want to accept how dead my dreams were, but I finally did and decided that I had to find a new dream. So I defiantly dressed up in my best superhero-like clothes and practiced my 'I'm strong; I can conquer the world with one hand tied behind my back! ' face in the mirror. Yet inside of me - Oh! I was a weeping, scared, angry, confused but trying to move forward in faith that all of this was meant to be.If you had read my thoughts during this time, this is what you would have heard....1. "Help, Help! I don't want to step out. I don't know if I can. It will be awkward. It will be hard. It will be scary! I don't want to! Noooooo!!!"I theorize this is exactly what a baby bird feels like when the mama tells him to jump out of the nest.Side Note: If I were a baby bird, I'd be calling baby bird child services stat! For Animal Cruelty!
"Help! My mom is pushing my out of an 18-foot tree, can anyone say birdie abuse? Call the police! Call the police!"
Back on Track: But really, think about it. Imagine what it would feel like on that inevitable day when your mama says "Get your butt out of this nest!"And on my 24th birthday that is what happened to me.Mama didn't tell me to "get" a moving. This time it was God saying..."Get! Set out of your cozy, comfortable nest. You've been in here too long, and your legs are getting too long for the nest. Take that scary new step to risk. Risk living your real dream. Don't live the half-dream. Trust in me enough to pursue that dream that you've kept hidden and never pursued because of fear.""But, but,....I don't want to," I whimpered... 'I quite like my surroundings, and the food isn't half bad. I can suffer through the squatty potties, and keep living a pretty good life...." but really deep, deep, deep down in the recesses of my soul, I did want too step out. 1st I really, truly hate squatty potties, and 2nd in my heart, I knew where I had been that I wasn't fulling using or developing the talents God had given me.So there on my birthday, I was booted out of the nest. I didn't even jump! I was pushed! Oh, it was scary! The most mournful birthday of my life. I'm a little ashamed to tell you how many boxes of Kleenex were drenched with my tears and snot on the way down. But when the tears dried up, I slowly started to expand my wings. They were young and weak, and I tumbled out of the nest like a baby bird.And when I hit the ground, I didn't land even close to where I thought I would. The world wasn't like I expected it to be.. Yet..... the fall wasn't as painful as I had imagined, in fact it was downright fun in a weird kind of old wooden roller-coasterish - thriller movie kind of way.Now that I am out of the nest, I'm relieved and more at peace. I didn't realize how stifling it was up there. I didn't see that I had been living a half life, and settling for the second best, and I've learned that God only wants the bestest life fully of joy for his children. No settling allowed, people!Now outside, I can dream unreasonably, smile fully, dance lightly, love and be loved AND sit on a blessed Western Toilet! My butt has never been so happy. :)I am more free now than I have ever been in my entire life! And the world?!!? Why, it is 102x more amazing than I thought it could ever be and the people are just lovely. And to think that I am just learning to use these wings. Imagine how delightful it will be once year 25 and 26 hits my bones? Unimaginable. ;)Lately I've been trying to climb up all the trees I encounter, big, small, fat, ugly, tall, you name it. I take a deep breath and climb----up, up, up, I go! And then when I get to the top, I take a few more breaths - this time much deeper, and bigger - I stall a wee bit, do a little motivation jig, pat myself on the back, say the Lord's prayer about 10x and then poof!I jump and squeal simultaneously - like a scared piglet, ridiculous, I know. Don't judge my motivation methods.. :) -First I start to tumble but then I remember.... I've got wings! And every time I spread them, they work, and with each jump they get stronger, my heart gets more trusting, and I fly a little further than before.I bet when I get to Ms. 25 these wings will find more surprises, challenges, lovely people, adventure, blessings and freedom than I can fathom. ^^With every tree I climb and every mile I fly, I am learning more and more that God has an amazingly beautiful life for me and all of us. More full than I can ask or imagine. The transformation of my life from last November 3, 2011 (my birthday) to now, May 2012 -- 7 months is astounding. No words. I am being constantly showered with goodness. I constantly feel like slapping and pinching myself to make sure that I am actually alive.My heart is learning that I really, really can let go of my worries and truly trust that God is a good Father, and that he wants the very best for me so my risks really aren't risks at all. He's always got my back, yo!
So don't be afraid, jump, baby bird, jump!
You've got angel wings!
There are those days that I feel like hiding. Crawling into a bag of rice and trying to forget how much I don’t fit in here.Here, I always feel as though I am on stage, and the spotlight is shining so brightly it blinds my eyes.I am the only foreigner in the mist of thousands of people, and there is no hiding my difference. No clothes that I can wear, no makeup that I can slather on, no dye to tint my hair or iron to straighten it.I am different.Yet, I chose this world, a place where I am completely conspicuous. I breathe, heads turn. I fear what will happen when I dare sneeze!People here worry whether I can preform simple physical tasks or fret about my health because I don’t eat a mountain of white rice every time I sit down at the table.At times, the peoples fascination with the color of my skin or hair annoys me. I didn’t do anything but be born to get them. They aren’t me.Why do people give me more respect because of them? Why do they ask me to speak in their churches or celebrations because of the color of my eyes?Their color does not indicate wisdom or mean that I should be respected or privileged above others. I’m 23 (well almost 24, NOV 3, ::cough::presents, people?::cough::). There are plenty of people here much wiser than I. My light eyes are no more beautiful or wise than dark ones, but no one seems to believe me.I dislike this inequality. It goes against all the values that were pounded in my head from the age of 2.5 months.Yet these same discriminatory people also look at me and smile and welcome me into their homes for no reason. They feed me, visit me, let me practice their language with them, wave at me and give me an odd amount of awe and respect.I’m learning to take the good with the bad, and to use my situation for the best. If I have to be on stage, then I might as well have fun, right?Though most importantly, if they do respect me then I’ve got to understand this precious gift and use it empower them by letting them know that I think that they are beautiful and smart and can do whatever they are determined to do and be confident., Never hiding from the world.Because when you hide from life, you’re only doing so out of fear. Fear is such a nasty little captain of life. It squashes you and your potential for greatness, hurts people around you and drains all of the brilliant colors out of life’s rainbows.And I’ve decided no more hiding for me either! I’m crawling out of this rice sack, putting on my brightest dress and curling my hair Afro style. It’s time to shine, people. It’s time to laugh, sneeze, fart, burp, fall in the mud, relax and enjoying my lovely audience.